IMPACT TV report 01/17/2013

The show begins as it always does with a recap. In case anyone forgot, this is the week Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan get married. Bully Ray is greeted by Brother Runt and Tommy Dreamer, who will both be part of the wedding party.

Brooke is also getting ready with Miss Tessmacher. Tessmacher asks if her dad is showing up and there is uncomfortable silence.

The first person to make his way to the ring is Jeff Hardy. Hardy is greeted with a “You’ve still got it” chant, which is usually reserved for people older than him. I wonder if he feels insulted. Hardy is interrupted by Kaz and Daniels.

Kaz calls us all butt puppets. Daniels gets a title shot next week after defeating James Storm to become #1 contender. Daniels claims Hardy’s fans aren’t “creatures of the night”, but creatures of habit, and their habit is losing, just like AJ, Storm, and Hardy.

Daniels says we have his permission to worship him when he becomes champ. Daniels has been even more entertaining than usual lately. He’s no Curry Man, but he’s pretty entertaining.

Hardy attacks Daniels but gets double teamed by Kaz and Daniels. James Storm comes to the rescue and challenges Kaz and Daniels to a match, right now. Hardy and Storm attack Kaz and Daniels, throw them both back in the ring, and the bell rings.

Match #1: Hardy and Storm versus Kaz and Daniels.

Storm starts the match off with a backdrop to Daniels and then tags in Hardy. Hardy and Storm double team Daniels. Hardy hits Daniels with a mule kick before double teaming Daniels some more.

Daniels eventually frees himself and then it’s Kaz and Daniels turn to do some double teaming. Eventually Hardy dropkicks Daniels to the floor and hits him with a flying clothesline. Hardy hits Kaz with whisper in the wind and Daniels makes the save.

Daniels hits Hardy with an STO, Storm hits Daniels with Closing Time. Hardy tries the Twist of Fate on Kaz, but Kaz blocks it. Hardy tries the TOF fate again and hits it for the win! After the match, Daniels plants Hardy face first onto the belt with Angels Wings.

Commercial

When we return, Joseph Park gives Bully Ray a wedding gift; Cuban cigars. Joseph Park, a lawyer, just committed a crime on national TV; Cuban cigars are illegal in the US.

Gut Check: This week’s Gut Check segment features a choice between Jay Bradley and Brian Cage. Cage and Bradley wrestled last week, the first time 2 Gut Check contestants competed against each other instead of an established wrestler.

Jay Bradley was the winner.  Winning did not guarantee a contract, they still needed to vote. Cage was eliminated, and Bradley was approved by a 2-1 vote. Taz voted no.

Commercial

Match #2: Kenny King versus Christian York.

York dives onto King on the floor at the start of the match and punishes him outside the ring. York rolls King and King lands several kicks. York lands a series of strikes and a suplex. King rakes York’s eyes and rolls him up, pulling on the tights to get the dirty win.

Commercial

When we return, Bully Ray asks Sting to talk to Hogan for him, Sting agrees. In the back, Bobby Roode and Austin Aries are arguing again about who is greater and what they are wearing. They make a lovely couple, they really do. They eventually both agree that neither gets the respect they deserve from TNA for all they have accomplished.

Commercial

When we return, Bully Ray is getting ready with the three members of his wedding party; Spike (aka Brother Runt), Tommy Dreamer, and his best man, Taz.

Sting makes his way to the ring and calls out Hogan. Sting tells Hogan he should trust Bully Ray for all the help he has given Sting, Hulk, and most importantly, Brooke.  Hogan is convinced Bully Ray is no good, but also says he always does the right thing.

In the back, Gail Kim approaches Knockouts referee Taryn Tyrrell with an iPad. Gail shows footage of Taryn missing Gail’s foot on the ropes at the end of the #1 contenders gauntlet match last week. Gail gets a rematch with Velvet Sky this week and warns Taryn not to screw it up again.

Commercial

Match #3:  Gail Kim versus Velvet Sky.

The two knockouts trade strikes and clotheslines to start the match off. Velvet tries a neckbreaker but messes it up, Gail reverses and hits Velvet with a neckbreaker of her own.

Velvet suplexes Gail, but Gail retaliates with a twisting headscissors on the mat.  Velvet fights her way out, but Gail knocks her down with “Eat deFeet” but Velvet gets her foot under the rope before the count of three. Gail seems mad that Taryn sees the foot on the ropes when it’s Velvet’s foot.

Velvet hits Gail with a bulldog and a couple clotheslines. Velvet hits Gail with a double underhook face plant (In Yo Face) for the win.

In the back, Dixie Carter is congratulating Brooke.

Commercial.

When we return, Austin Aries and Bobby Roode make their way to the ring, which is already decorated for the wedding. Aries and Roode claim not to have been invited, but decided to show up anyway.

Aries and Roode claim that they were responsible for every great match and every great moment in TNA last year. Although they usually argue, they have started jointly demanding respect. Aries even referred to Roode as “the IT factor of pro wrestling and the most dominant TNA champ ever” and Roode refers to Aries as “the greatest man that ever lived.”

They claim the lack of respect they have gotten has forged mutual respect between them.  They criticize the current crop of TNA title holders including Hardy, Devon, RVD, Chavo and Hernandez, wondering if TNA has gone back in time 10 years.  I think they are saying all the current champs are OLD.

They also say they object to the wedding here tonight. Tag champs Chavo and Hernandez interrupt them to say they also object. They don’t object to the wedding, they object to Aries and Roode. Roode and Aries make some racist comments about Chavo and Hernandez being there to serve at the wedding and order some quesadillas.

Chavo and Hernandez chase Aries and Roode away. Looks like a tag title feud between Aries/Roode and Chavo/Hernandez. It’s too bad Aries and Roode are being taken out of the world title picture to be a tag team, but they are great together and should do great things for the tag division if they stay together.

Commercial

When we return, Hogan is showing Sting a picture of Brooke as a child and telling Sting he wanted to protect her from this business. I guess that’s why he got her a job there.  Moron! Sting tells Hogan he’s wrong about Bully Ray and he needs to walk his daughter down the aisle.

Bully Ray makes his way to the ring in a tux for the wedding. Soon after, the rest of the wedding party comes to the ring: Tessmacher and Tommy Dreamer, Mickie James and Runt/Spike, and Christy Hemme and Taz. Everyone looks at the entrance ramp to see if Hulk will accompany Brooke.

Commercial

When we return, Brooke comes out in her wedding dress, alone and looking over her shoulder. After she starts walking, Hulk shows up and escorts her to the ring. The wedding proceeds until Brooke and Bully are ready to exchange vows, which they do.  Bully’s vows end with “I frickin’ love you!”

The minister asks if anyone objects and no one does. He asks for the rings, but before the ceremony can be completed, Taz grabs Bully and asks Bully if he’s sure he wants to do this.

Brooke seems shocked and Taz tells her to shut up, and that this is none of her business. Everyone seems shocked at Taz’ rudeness until he removes his jacket to reveal an Aces and Eights shirt.

Taz is in cahoots with Aces and Eights and the rest of the gang storms the ring. The ring is completely surrounded; Aces and Eights run in and beat everyone down, destroying everything in the ring.

DOC and Mike Knox grab Brooke and force her to watch as her wedding is ruined and her wedding party beaten down. A barely conscious Hulk Hogan crawls across the mat to check on Bully Ray as Impact goes off the air.