Night two has a lot to live up to.  In terms of surprises, the only way they can come close is an appearance by Mr. Maivia after the main event.  Between the ropes, the men’s tag and singles’ matches could steal the show.

Of course, no sooner was the above written than HHH shows up to kick-off the show.  Huge ovation, maybe the biggest so far, nice moment with his daughters too.  Still a badass entrance.  Guessing he must be in decent shape because God knows what all that does to your pulse.

‘Thank you Hunter…’

Beginning by flashing the Clique sign, Levesque thanked the fans before welcoming us all to WrestleMania.  Queue pyro and ballyhoo.  Before exiting he ceremonially left his boots in the ring.

Gable Steveson was hyped again.

RK-BRO VS STREET PROFITS VS ALPHA ACADEMY, RAW TAG TITLES 

Story going in: Street Profits challenged the champs 3 weeks ago, both teams were attacked by Alpha Academy.

Crowd Response: Huge reaction for RK-Bro.  Meh for the others.  They were into all the big moves and very into the finish.

Match quality:  Decent.  Lots of cool moves but in-between was a bit strange as one team would just randomly stay out of the way while the others did battle, despite it being clear they could enter at will.

After Orton’s recent hammering of the NXT roster for ‘not knowing how to work’ (and he wasn’t talking the 2.0 crew), it’s fitting that all five of the other participants in this passed through the Black and Yellow brand.  Would love to know who he meant.

Starting off with a ‘Shoooosh’ –  which seems like a thing maybe 7 year old’s might find entertaining – Ford and Riddle teed-off on Gable, ending with a quick roll-up by Ford on Riddle, establishing early that there are no friends and you have to watch your back at all times.

Each then took turns chucking an opponent out of the ring, leading to Otis standing tall with the other five outside.  Heavy boos.

Huge Private Party vibes from the Street Profits.  Confirmed when Montez launched himself breathtakingly over the corner buckle onto the rest.  Though with a great deal more control than the sloppy Marc Quen.  Not to be outdone, Gable then flung himself onto the pack via moonsault.

Slowing down, Otis dominated Riddle with clubbing blows and a big splash as Orton got the crowd going.  Tagging in, Gable went to work with leg-holds.  Briefly interrupted by a flurry from Angelo Dawkins, Alpha Academy continued working over Riddle.

A bro-to-sleep later and the hot tag was made, Orton exploding with clotheslines and a snap-powerslam until he was dragged outside by Ford where Orton dumped both Ford and Gable onto the announce desk.

Dual draping DDTs by he and Riddle on the Street Profits brought the crowd to their feet.  Preparing for the RKO, both were again dragged outside, this time by the Academy.

A leaping bulldog by Gable brought a two on Ford.  Reciprocating, Montez drew a two himself via a Blockbuster with Chad on Dawkins’ shoulders.  After laying out Orton with a sky-high, Dawkins then nearly Undertaker’d himself with a plancha to the outside as Ford perched on the top-rope in the corner above a prone Orton.

Saved by his partner, Riddle appeared out of nowhere (no pun intended) with a springboard RKO from the top.  Crowd went NUTS.  ‘Holy S***’ chants.  Gable was then plucked out of the air and driven face-first by the Viper with another RKO for the win.

The crowd was rather pleased with the outcome.  A bleeding Orton and Riddle then shared a cup with the Profits, but wouldn’t drink until calling Gable Steveson into the ring.

Spoiling the party, Gable slapped Gable’s cup (you read that right) out of his hand, before telling him to ‘Shoosh’ (might rather be separated from my fingernails than hear that again).  Which earned him an overhead belly-to-belly from the rookie.

Vince will be devastated when he realizes there are two ‘Gables’.  It was impossible to tell them apart.

WINNERS: RK-Bro

BOBBY LASHLEY VS OMOS

Story going in: Omos issued an open challenge on Monday’s Raw and was taken down with the Cena special

Crowd Response: Almost non-existent.

Match quality: Slow, plodding, boring.  Would fit in well at WrestleMania 4.

2022 Great Khali ‘dominated’ early with that staple of the awful wrestler, the clubbing blow.  The crowd here made the one during Charlotte/Ronda seem like when Austin won Mankind the title.

Attempting a Hurt Lock, Lashley couldn’t quite seal his fingers and Omos elbowed himself clear before clotheslining Bobby to the mat and flinging him to the outside.  Caught while attempting a cross body from the top, Omos dropped Lashley, badly, right onto his side.

A bearhug brought the crowd to their seats.

Making a flurry, Lashley finally landed a low suplex, a spear to the kidneys and another to the chest before claiming victory.  The crowd did react decently to the finish.

WINNER:  Bobby Lashley

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE VS SAMMY ZAYN, ANYTHING GOES

Story going in: Zayn eliminated Knoxville from the Rumble, after which Knoxville doled out his contact info and cost him the IC title

Crowd Response:  Mostly quiet, very into Wee Man, sections kinda popped for various hijinks.

Match quality:  Vince must have loved this, testicles and ass all the way.  If it had been funny, fine, but it wasn’t, meaning it was just rotten, one of the worst things ever put-on in a wrestling ring.  Waaaay too long to boot.

Anything goes.  Which means all the Jackasses will be getting involved.  Hopefully not an excuse to beat Zayn.

Knoxville makes Marko Stunt look like Batista.  He looks like a spoof, and not a good one.  The sort of thing you desperately don’t want your non-wrestling-fan friends to see you watching.

Wiped out the second the bell rang with a Helluva Kick, Zayn immediately took the upper hand, taking the time to slap the Jackass guys in the first row.  An array of weapon shots continued Zayn’s dominance.

‘Nobody’s from the 70’s watching this’ claimed McAfee on commentary.  Erm…

Reaching under the ring, Sami was the victim of a mousetrapped table.  Allowing Knoxville to hit some weapon shots of his own as the wrestler re-entered.  This didn’t last long as Johnny was flung through a propped-up table with an exploder suplex.

Preparing another Helluva kick, Zayn was ‘stopped’ by an airhorn blast from Knoxville.  The crowd were pretty flat at this point.  Which is when ‘Party Boy’ appeared in the ring, dancing and then stripping to his undies (more like a thong), confirming he doesn’t get much sun.

Taking advantage, Knoxville got a close two with a roll-up.  Irritated, Zayn went outside to beat on Party Boy, eventually kicking him under the ring, while McAfee complained that ‘his cheeks were just starting to get over’, even popping Cole.  That was a pretty good line.

As Sami reached under the apron, Wee Man popped out, attacking Zayn for a pop that honestly rivalled HHH’s, forcing Zayn back into the ring where he was bodyslammed by the little fella.  Staggering to the corner, Knoxville hit Sami with a tornado DDT for a near-three that the crowd bought as a finish.

The Jackass pair then retrieved, for lack of a better description, a mechanical leg set in a tripod.  Sami responded with a Helluva kick to Wee Man for heavy boos and knocked Johnny to the floor with elbows.  After which he headed topside, ready to leap.

But Knoxville had a plan, setting off pyro which caused Zayn to crotch himself and land in the corner, legs spread.  A bowling ball to the testicles followed, then the mechanical leg connected with the same area.  The Jackass then stalked Sami with a taser, backing him up right into a giant hand that slapped him down.

Again caught on the top, Zayn was tasered in his baby-makers before being flung from the top through the mousetrap-table at ringside.  A giant mousetrap was then brought into the ring which Knoxville used to pin the former NXT champion.

WINNER: Johnny Knoxville

QUEEN ZELINA & CARMELLA VS SASHA BANKS & NAOMI VS RHEA RIPLEY & LIV MORGAN VS NATALYA & SHAYNA BASZLER, WOMEN’S TAG TITLES

Crowd Response: Big response for Naomi’s entrance.  Big reaction for the victory, quiet otherwise.

Match quality:  Too many participants to really settle into anything, this was constant motion with quick in-and-out-tags and close pinfalls

Luckily, Naomi’s entrance kicked this off, bringing much needed energy, glowsticks and all that.  Sasha came out in a high-end sports car.

Nothing yet to contest Bianca’s entrance theme but Carmella’s pseudo-Boyz-n-tha-Hood beat was pretty good.

Sasha Banks is as good an all-rounder as exists in the business: male, female or other.  She’s never won at WrestleMania.  This could’ve easily been a big singles match with Rhea instead.  Which is how the match began after a bunch of false starts.

With all the others fighting on the outside, Banks went at it with a tagged-in Morgan in the ring.  Liv hit an ObLivion but Natalya had tagged-in when Sasha hit the ropes.  Baszler then went to work on Morgan’s legs as Liv screamed above a quiet crowd.

Quickfire tags followed as all the girls came in and hit moves, ending with Naomi and Sasha in control of Morgan in the ring.  Triple superplexes in opposite corners left all eight writhing on the mat.

More quickfire tags led to every team briefly taking control and gaining two-counts.  A Carmella superkick led to two close-counts before Naomi and Sasha nearly got the win after a combo kick/top-rope splash.  Not long afterward, they did clinch victory with a double-team finish on Carmella as the crowd cheered.

WINNERS: Sasha Banks and Naomi

EDGE VS AJ STYLES

Story going in: Edge open-challenge for Mania, Styles answered, Edge then snapped and unleashed a double con-chair-to

Crowd Response: Very quiet.

Match quality: Started very slowly and never sped up.  Never got going.

Not much of a build-up but on paper this promised to be the match of the weekend.  It began with AJ bleeding from the face as a result of his entrance.  While Edge merged the old and the new between his entrance music and the cool Brood-style entrance up through the ramp and a mass of flames.

Beginning aggressively, AJ backed Edge into the corner before firing kicks at his thighs.  Early Styles Clash/Spear attempts were avoided as they eyed each other warily.

Outside, Styles rammed Rated R’s head into the ringsteps before being knee’d in the ribs as he attempted a springboard 450 back in the ring.  Continuing the attack on the ribs, Edge rammed knees and aimed kicks, pausing briefly to fairly loud boos.

Fighting back, AJ was abdominally stretched after attempting a hiptoss and dropped with a shoulder-breaker.  After which the announcers reminded us AJ had recently separated his shoulder.  The pace remained slow as a prone Styles was victimized further.

Desperate, Styles reversed a suplex, sending Edge into the buckle before firing punches from the mount.  ‘AJ Styles’ chants were interrupted as he was dropped by the veteran, before Edge targeted the shoulders further.  A failed Pele Kick led to an Edge STF but Styles managed to get to the ropes.

Finally picking up a bit, AJ leaped from out to in, spiking Edge with a DDT before taking to the top after struggling to climb because of his shoulder.  Edge tried to cut him off but AJ fought free into a torture-rack-bomb, gaining him a two before he was again cut-off, Rated R planting him with an impaler DDT for a two of his own.

Edge now had a nasty gash below the shoulder blade.

Sizing each other up, they exchanged punches from their knees, making their way to their feet as STYLES unloaded with rapid-fire strikes, kicks and a Pele Kick before exchanging submissions.  AJ barely kicked out of a slingshot powerbomb.

A painful-looking Styles suplex from the top-buckle to the ring apron resulted in both scrambling to make it back in at nine, where AJ landed a springboard 450 to the back of his prone opponent for 2 and three-quarters.

Calling for the Phenomenal Forearm, Edge ducked out the way, Styles then leapfrogged a Spear before drilling Edge with the Styles Clash, Edge barely kicking out.  With the match in-hand, AJ was set for the Phenomenal Forearm when Damian Priest distracted him, the hesitation resulting in Edge nailing Styles with a Spear mid-flight for the win.  The crowd gasped at the finish.

Afterward, Priest and Edge smiled and celebrated.

WINNER: Edge

THE NEW DAY VS SHEAMUS & RIDGE HOLLAND

Crowd Response:  Big response for the New Day, who were wearing Big E inspired gear.

Match quality: Too short.

First-off, get well soon Big E. Originally a six-man, this was whittled down to a tag after the big fella’s injury.  Then it was booted off Night One.

Despite jumping the New Day immediately, Sheamus barely saved his partner from losing after a Trouble in Paradise.

Xavier paid tribute to Big E by removing his straps but Kofi was walloped with a Brogue Kick on the outside.  With the ref distracted by Butch, another Brogue Kick and Northern Grit led to the very quick victory as Butch had to be dragged away from continuing the assault.

The booing from the crowd appeared to be legitimate.

WINNER: Sheamus and Ridge Holland

Before the next match, the Undertaker came out again to hear it from the crowd.

PAT MCAFEE VS AUSTIN THEORY

Story going in: On his podcast, Vince offered McAfee a match at Mania, which turned out to be against his protégé.

Crowd Response: They were incredibly into this from start to finish.

Match quality:  Very entertaining.  Athletically, McAfee was very impressive.

To the strains of ‘No Chance’, Vince came out to a nice reaction to personally introduce Austin Theory as a ‘future Universal Champion.’.  Byron joined Cole for commentary as Cole acknowledged he would be ‘biased’ for this one.

Flip Gordon, sorry, Austin Theory (it’s uncanny) then emerged as Cole ran him down.  ‘You suck’ chants filled the air as he and Vince waited for McAfee, who came out to Seven Nation Army alongside the Cowboys’ cheerleaders.

The crowd were very into this.

McAfee’s last match was surprisingly good.  Then again, it was with Adam Cole.  He started hot here, laying into his opponent with punches until Theory turned the tables.  Launching a hurracanrana, McAfee nearly grabbed an early victory as the crowd chanted his name.

Before continuing to sing Seven Nation Army.  This was easily the most alive the crowd had been since Wee Man.  ‘You suck’ chants greeted Theory as he preened over a downed McAfee.

McAfee then pulled a ‘Rock’, throwing on a headset as he beat Austin on the outside.  Taking in the crowd with Theory down on the mat, McAfee took too long and missed on a Swanton.  Making the same mistake, Theory got caught up top and tried to shove Pat off.  Aweing the crowd, McAfee flipped backwards, landing on his feet before immediately leaping back up to the top to superplex the youngster.

Theory just kicked out in time, much to the crowd’s disappointment.  After missing a punt, Theory scooped him up for the A-Town Down, only for McAfee to counter into a roll-up for the very popular victory.

WINNER: Pat McAfee

This was pretty short but entertaining.  It definitely helped that the crowd was wildly into it.  Only the opening tag enjoyed anything close to this much crowd support.

PAT MCAFEE VS VINCE MCMAHON

After the match, the former NFL player beckoned Vince into the ring.  Responding by tearing off his shirt – again to a huge roar from the fans – McMahon entered the ring, along with a referee.  Attacking from behind, Theory laid out McAfee as the bell rang.  Cole fawned over his boss’ physique.

Just as McAfee was preparing to attack, Theory tripped him from outside.  With Pat prone, McMahon prodded him with his feet as if checking he was still conscious.  A football was then handed to Vince, who kicked it into McAfee as he lay on the mat, leading to the pinfall.

WINNER: Vince McMahon

Not nearly enough damage was done for McAfee to appear this beaten up.  Instructed by his boss, Theory then celebrated from each corner as if he’d won.

Then the glass broke.

A Stone Cold Stunner quickly eliminated Theory, who flopped around like a fish, the second homage to the Rock in this segment.  Eyeing his old foe, Austin called for double beers, Vince emitting a big smile after taking a swig.  McMahon nearly fell after the inevitable kick to the gut, using the ropes to recover into the Stunner.  But the crowd cheered anyway.

Lastly, Austin called-in McAfee for a beer bash.  You know what came next.  Ordering more beers, a laughing Stone Cold celebrated as McAfee lay on the mat.

ROMAN REIGNS VS BROCK LESNAR, TITLE UNIFICATION MATCH

Story going in: Heyman made his choice, turning on longtime ally Lesnar to cost him the title, before Brock won the Rumble and made a choice of his own.

Crowd Response:  Big reaction for Roman as he came out.  Same for Lesnar.  And the crowd remained extremely into this until the end.

Match quality:  Excellent.  Full of near-finishes and fast-paced, this was great.  Every single second felt important, as though either man could claim victory with just the right move.

Roman was accompanied by the Usos, whose One and Done motto unfortunately doesn’t apply to alcohol, and Paul Heyman.  Cole, joined on commentary by Graves, noted that Roman is the longest-reigning champ this side of Hulk Hogan.

This entrance felt big-time.  As with Charlotte last night, WWE showed their favor by setting-off fireworks outside the stadium.

‘WrestleMania, acknowledge meee,’ led to chants of ‘Roman’ before the guitars wailed and Lesnar emerged to another big ovation from the crowd.

Snatching the mic away from the ring announcer to loud boos, Heyman introduced Reigns, who also received mostly boos.  Following suit, a smiling Lesnar performed his own introduction, helped by the crowd.

After a long staredown, Lesnar asserted his dominance, driving Reigns into the buckles before launching him around with overhead belly-to-bellys as the crowd joined in the count.

A panicking Heyman distracted Lesnar: ‘I love you! Please take me back,’ allowing Reigns to launch a spear through the barricade.  From which a wobbly Lesnar barely made it back inside to be drilled with another Spear as Reigns claimed a count of two.

Signalling the Superman Punch, Roman connected as Brock struggled to his feet for a second dose.  A laughing Lesnar caught the Tribal Chief coming in for a third, racking up five overhead’s and going for the F-5.  Slipping out, Reigns landed another Superman and set-up for the Spear.  But Lesnar was ready, hoisting him up and nearly claiming the win after an F-5.

After wiping out the ref, Roman drilled Brock in the groin with his fist and in the head with his belt.  But still couldn’t claim a three-count.  Seemingly unsure how to put Lesnar away, Reigns launched into a Spear but was gripped in the Kimura Lock as the crowd anticipated the tap.

After struggling to the ropes, we overheard Reigns telling Heyman ‘my shoulder’s out’ as Heyman begged him to keep going.  Hoisted up for the F-5 once more, Reigns slipped out and nailed Brock with a Spear for the 1,2,3.

We were then shown Heyman helping Reigns get the ropes when he was right on the brink of tapping to the Kimura.

WINNER: Roman Reigns, new Unified Champion (’til another new belt’s introduced in a few weeks)

We saw both sides of WWE over this weekend.  Night One saw the wrestling side: the company has some exceptional wrestlers who put on incredible performances, along with one well-timed legend appearance, flawlessly planned and executed.

Tonight, by contrast, saw the ‘entertainment’ side: celebrities and ‘attractions’ like Omos who weren’t punctuated with enough quality action to balance out the show.  Not coincidentally, the crowd were dead from the opening tag until the last two matches, which were the only things of real merit on the show.

That said, it did finish hot with an excellent match between the two biggest current stars for the biggest belt.

GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO WATCH..

• Brock vs Roman
• Highlights from the McAfee/Theory/Vince/Austin segment

Thanks for reading.